The Dolls Deliver

Hey, speaking of horny things, I watched “Drive Away Dolls” over the weekend and lemme tell ya the Be Gay, Do Crimes genre is doing great these days. Ostensibly a road trip comedy melding with a crime caper, the film written by Ethan Coen and his queer wife Tricia Cooke is a fun, breezy affair with tons of famous guest stars and cameos (Pedro Pascal! Matt Damon! Colman Domingo! Miley Cyrus!). It stars Margaret Qualley (of “Maid” and Andie MacDowell's gene pool) and Geraldine Viswanathan (of “Blockers”) as friends who unwittingly drive a car to Tallahassee with some unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your perspective) cargo. Oh and Beanie Feldstein plays Margaret’s character’s cop ex-girlfriend. The road trip turns into a road trip to hit lesbian bars along the way and get laid which is, well, relatable. So, clearly, how can you not like this movie? Truly, back in the days where I’d watch any lesbian movie that came out, I would have killed for this kind of production values and star power. Maybe that’s why it took 17 years to get made. My only true quibble is that Margaret and Geraldine don’t really read all that gay. And they definitely lack chemistry. But, if you can get past that it’s a fun little romp and so proudly gay you just have to applaud. Also, always check the trunk first before driving away.

You Ain't Nothing But a (Lesbian) Horndog

Since we’re talking about queer music this week already, can we talk for a moment about how horny gay pop has become? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Quite the contrary. But between Chappell Roan, Renee Rapp and now Billie Eilish things have gotten truly explicit. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that. We become accustomed to plenty of songs about love and longing and even lust over the years. But the horniness now? Well, it’s on another level. And good for them. Really, and truly, being Horny on Main has been the domain of straight stars for too long. So whether it’s Chappell saying she wants to “get freaky, get kinky…make this bed get squeaky” or Renee with all the pretty girls with their “hand between my thighs” or Billie saying “I could eat that girl for lunch” we’re living through unprecedentedly horny times for us gay gals. But, lest we forget, we’ve always been horny. We’ve just never had the starpower we’re experiencing now. So, on this Hump Day, please appreciate the foremother of horny lesbian pop stars, Melissa Ferrick. Like, I love Chappell and Renee and Billie et al. But you gotta tip your cap to the power “Drive” still has 24 damn years later. All night, baby.

p.s. Melissa is hilarious when performing this live, FYI. And, well, humor is hot. So, uh. Look, we’re all a little horny here today. So own it.

Playing Footsy

Is women’s sports having a moment or what? First the women’s NCAA college hoops finals smashes records (and handily beats the boys), and now a whole series about female soccer stars is coming to a screen near you. What could make it better? Yep, they’re queer female soccer stars. So, like “Bend it Like Beckham,” but actually gay – not just in all of our heads gay. And the Big Lesbian Cherry on top? Gay sports superstars/couple Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird are producing the whole she-bang (emphasis on she-bang, because I hear the book was sexxx-y). Also, who can resist the name? “Cleat Cute?” Adorable! I haven’t read the book in question by Meryl Wilsner. But the premise – where a longtime star of the USWNT is recovering from an injury at the same time a rookie star is rising as the team prepares for the World Cup – sure works for me. Rivals to lovers, with cleats? Sporty dykes in love? Yeah, imma watch the heck out of this. So, kittens, who should they cast?

p.s. Considering the cultural moment women’s sports is having, how about we bring back “A League of Their Own,” Prime Video? Like, seriously, what would it cost Amazon? Less than half a tank of gas for one of Bezos’s megayachts, if that? Sigh, I guess we’ll just keep dreaming then.

Music Monday: Gaychella Edition

I generally don’t suffer too much from FOMO. Like, granted, I’d love to be a fly on the wall in many a situation (mostly not in a creepy way). But earlier this month I experienced my first ever Coachella FOMO. Or, as it should have been called, Gaychella. Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no desire to press myself into sweaty throngs of young (and young at heart) people in the desert. But I sure wouldn’t have minded seeing Renee Rapp, Chappelle Roan, Victoria Monét, et al queer it up. Honestly, what a time to be a young queer music fan. Thinking about the limited choices when I was young enough to think music festivals were cool, it’d be a short show. But these days? Well, pick your musical poison (not to be confused with the hair metal band Poison, who everyone at Renee’s set I think was too young to know anyway). Anyway, if you are vying to be the Queen of Gay Pop (an admittedly crowded field these days), then you should probably do like Renee and bring on the Royal Court of Lesbianism to introduce you. Honestly, between this and performing underneath a giant pair of scissors I feel pretty damn good about this new generation of queer stars. Really good. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Also bringing out Kesha and saying “fuck P. Diddy?” Utter Queen shit.

My Weekend Crush

I can’t help it. I just feel so great for Jodie Foster these days. To survive child stardom to become one of the most respected actors/creatives in the industry AND achieve such well-deserved personal happiness? Well, you just love to see it. This month Jodie and her wife, Alexandra Hedison, celebrated their 10-year (!!) anniversary at the two-time Oscar winner’s handprint/footprint ceremony at Hollywood’s famed Chinese Theatre. And, truly, I can’t think of a better star to wrap Lesbian Visibility Week up with than Jodie.

I think all of us here have watched her from her teenage years to now. We loved her when we knew she was family, but wasn’t out. We love her now that she’s out. I think it’s because we as a community have always struggled to find elder role models. Not that there aren’t legions of older LGBTQ+ folks out there. But, we just haven’t had as many high profile examples who can serve to inspire future generations.

Knowing LGBTQ+ history means recognizing and celebrating those who came before and fought the battles so future generations can have life, hopefully, just a little bit easier. Because if you aren’t working to make life better for the people who come after us, what even is the point? So congratulations, Jodie. Couldn’t have happened to a more talented gay lady. And, on a personal note, her 10-year anniversary with Alexandra at age 61 gives me hope. I’m turning a rather round number soon, and it’s nice to know what goals are still attainable. In Jodie’s case, it seems all of them still are. And, as I was saying, you love to see it. Happy weekend, all.

Just Total Hacks

God, I love this show. I love Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder’s chemistry. I love the show’s unexpectedly big heart. And, obviously, I love how hilarious AND gay the series has been from the start. And now we get to see Hannah’s Ava has become more and more queer to the point where she gets to makeout on screen with Christina Hendricks. Like, good work if you can get it, honey. Well done, you. Also well done are all the glowing reviews I’ve read of the new season. And almost all of them have said something along the lines of, I didn’t think we needed another season after that perfect ending in Season 2. But, uh, we were wrong and it got better. Now that’s what I like to hear. And, in one week, see. The lesbian TV gods are real, that's for sure.

"god is real"
she's so gay i'm obsessed with her pic.twitter.com/6jRHzw4DuK

— judith's secret gf (@julesnichqls) April 17, 2024

Happy Blogiversary To Us

Well, well, well. Look who is another year older. Today is my 18th blogiversary which, whew. For real, WHEW. Way back in 2006 I had this crazy idea to start a blog and I just never stopped. Sure, it can be slightly more sporadic these days (life, man). But here we all are, 18 years later, still hanging out and talking about hot, talented ladies whether they be in tank tops or nicely tailored suits or whatever else sparks our facies. I will say in the 18 years since I pressed “publish” on Blogger for the first time, we have a lot more out queer women to celebrate, which is a welcome sign of progress. But just as apparent is the constant need to fight against the backwards riptides wanting to drag us back into the past and into the closet. To which I say with all sincerity, fuck those regressive, hateful troglodytes forever. But this post isn’t about them. They aren’t invited to this birthday party. It’s about you. I wouldn’t still be writing here (almost) every day without you. You’ve helped me get through the unrelenting rollercoaster of life – breakups, deaths, and yeah divorce. And together we’ve celebrated the good times too. So, here’s to Ye Olde Blogge being finally old enough to vote. I’ll keep writing as long as you keep reading. Eighteen freaking years. As I was saying, whew. Thanks for everything, kittens.

Music Monday: Back to the Chappell

Hey, I told you I was really into Chappell Roan right now. And, for good reason. Singing about your new lady crush? Using book art by Jenifer Prince? Getting hot for a MAGICIAN? Yeah, so gay. And we haven't even mentioned her two weekends worth of Coachella Excellence. Chappell’s music seems custom made for the exuberance of spring. Or, at least what I hope will be an exuberant spring for all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Since we’re talking about gay pop this week, how about we revisit this banger? Let it serve as a reminder that unless you spell it out in the most specific of detail, straight folks will never think you are g-a-y. Because here is Jodie Foster singing in French in a variety of jaunty men’s outfits on some 1970s variety show and it still took until 2013 for straight people to realize she was gay? They should teach LGBTQ+ history AND gaydar in schools, clearly. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Scoop Edition

I’m not what you would call an avid royal watcher. Yeah, OK, I watched some of the weddings back in the day. And Diana’s funeral. But otherwise I don’t really care what our former ruling monarchy is up to. (Though, clearly, it’s beyond immoral for them to use the sex trafficking services of their pals who are known pedophiles.) I know I didn’t watch the Prince Andrew interview that inspired “Scoop” in full – though of course I don’t live under a rock so I saw clips of the most egregious bits.

So, in theory, it would be a tough lift to get me to watch a movie about Randy Andy’s disastrous Newsnight appearance. But then they cast Gillian Anderson, Keeley Hawes and Billie Piper. So, well, I had to watch. It confirmed that, yes, Andrew and the royals are grotesquely rich, privileged people who have gotten away with everything for way too long. And, also, that Gillian, Keeley and Billie should team up more to take down bad men (even if that result was not intended from Keeley’s character).

So in honor of this trio’s good on-screen works and red carpet camaraderie, I thought I’d share all three women in excellent suits. Granted, “Scoop” is really Billie’s movie with Gillian and Keeley offering strong support. But you get to decide who wins their suit-off, since it’s a Thursday an all. (I know, throwing in Kitty Butler isn’t fair but neither is life so there’s that.)

Pop Stays Gay

I hope everyone enjoyed the glorious gay pop of Chappell Roan from earlier this week. And while I will refrain from entering the fray on “Gay Pop”-gate (oh, JoJo), I will remind everyone how important it is to keep LGBTQ+ history alive. Granted, I don’t expect our schools to start teaching about Tegan & Sara and Boy George and Dusty Springfield. But not knowing one’s history is how community becomes erased, how struggle is diminished and how hard-fought rights can be lost. Instead, let’s all strive to appreciate the evolution of queer pop and how we’ve gone from the pronoun hiding of yesteryears to out, open lyrics about gay girls getting an amen. That’s something to celebrate. So, yes, the uninformed (willfully or otherwise) who will always think they’re somehow reinventing the wheel. The rest of us will continue to enjoy the artform as it grows and progresses. And, of course, it doesn’t hurt to look back and remember some classics. I know “Son of a Preacher Man” is catchier, but we all know Dusty would be just as happy with the daughter – probably a lot happier. What, it's Hump Day. Anyway, carry on gay poppers. Carry on.

Tank Top Tuesday: Top Chef Edition

So I started watching “Top Chef” again after, well, years. I wanted to see how Kristen Kish did replacing Padma Lakshmi. Which is to say I wanted to see Kristen Kish. And so far I think her and her vests are doing just fine as the new host. I mean, no one can replace Padma Lakshmi because Padma Lakshmi. That said I am enjoying how Kristen shows up every week in her signature vest-in-lieu-of-a-top look. And when she isn’t wearing a vest, she’s wearing something sleeveless. And if she isn’t wearing something sleeveless, she’s wearing a blazer. So, truly, we are all winner here.

I’ve also been a little thrilled with how lesbian the special guest judges have been so far this season. Clea DuVall and Dominique Crenn (a.k.a. Maria Bello’s fiancée)? Thank you, whatever queer lady foodie producer is making these booking choices. Thank you. So, thoughts on this season so far? I mean, it is a Tuesday and the rules do consider vests to be acceptable variations on a tank top. Oh, and clearly I’m rooting for queer cheftestant Rasika, not that she needs my help. But, you know, Go Team Rainbow Chefs! And vests!

Music Monday: Chappell Roan

OK, well now I definitely love Chappell Roan. The singer of the lesbian situationship anthem “Casual” performed at NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series recently and was, quite simply, a delight. From her all-female backing band to her high-camp look, she was wonderfully charismatic in the way few stars are today. She was a little weird, a little out there and all magnificent. She reminds me, in spirit, of Cyndi Lauper – and not just because of the bright red hair/wig. While their voices are clearly different, she radiates the same unconventional punk rock balladeer energy of a girl who just wants to have fun (but can also break your heart with that voice). Also like Cyndi she is unapologetically pro-female sexuality. In her case, of course, that’s queer female sexuality. Plus, she donates to NPR! What a time to be a queer lady music fan – from Brandi Carlile to boygenius to Janelle Monae to Renee Rapp to Hayley Kiyoko to Rina Sawayama and now the delicious camp/glorious joy of Chappel Roan. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I think I’ll always cheer for Kirsten Dunst. I think this is because a) she has starred in so many movies I’ve enjoyed over the years and 2) we’ve all watched her grow up in those very same movies. Acting since she was 3, a star since she was 12, she appears to be one of those rare childhood actors who wasn’t totally fucked up by the experience. Or, at the very least, has been able to grow into the person she is now. And that person seems sensible. No bullshit. In short, she seems very much to be a grown-ass woman who knows who she is, what she wants and isn’t that what all of us want in the long run?

Would she do another superhero movie? “Yes, because you get paid a lot of money, and I have two children, and I support my mother.” Does she believe in method acting? “What, am I gonna be like that with my kids when I come home? Speaking in an accent? Like, honestly, I can’t do that. It seems like something only men can afford to do.” Does she feel pressure to stay young? “I still know to this day, I’m not gonna screw up my face and look like a freak. You know what I mean? I’d rather get old and do good roles.” And about that Jonathan Glazer Oscars acceptance speech that was greeted with an open letter of rebuke? “My interpretation was he was saying genocide is bad.” Exactly. I also like that she never fixed her teeth, which clearly don’t need fixing.

Even if the projects aren’t necessarily in my wheelhouse (like I don’t know if my election year anxiety will let me sit through “Civil War”), I’m glad that Kirsten is able to work on projects she cares about at this point in her career. And it’s refreshing to watch her be herself, a grown-ass woman who is married with children, through the press tour. Granted, Kiki remains perhaps the most ardently straight-presenting actress of her generation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, lest we forget, the subtext of “Bring It On” practically launched fan shipping as a concept (well, that and Eliza Dushku’s middle finger). And, well, she does look great in this suit. Happy weekend, all.